Friday, September 01, 2006


Before I get to today's update, I would like to first like to recall my company's most egregious use of capital: a promotional video titled Spy Another Day. The film stars Gary Coleman and John Lovitz. Sadly the video no longer seems to be available on the intarweb; I may be able to commit some corporate espionage and get it posted on youtube. Stay tuned. To the point though, we actually retained Gary "what'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis" Coleman and John "SNL Alum" Lovitz for this thing. Okay, these aren't necessarily a-list guys, but this isn't exactly a fortune 500 company either. Oh, and check this out. How much do you think it costs to rent out a Las Vegas nightclub during CES? Answer: a lot [sigh].

So, the update. Today, Fly-by-night Inc. decided that out of all possible moves it could make, reducing the staff by fifty percent would be the best choice. Yup, you heard right; half my company got axed this morning. I can now count everyone in the company on two hands and one foot. I'm actually the right middle finger.

To be honest, the RIF was probably the right move for the company. If the company does get more money, it can't afford to burn as fast as it has been. If only the execs would stop lighting their cubans with hundred dollar bills...

In my short career, I've been through about a dozen layoffs/rifs/black-fridays/corporate-purge-fests. I've never been under the guillotine, but nonetheless every time one happens there are different emotions at play. Fear and anger characterized the first several layoffs I went through. I was young and inexperienced then and I had a lot to loose and nowhere to go. There were a couple where I felt sad -- both for my coworkers and for myself. When the old company laid off a bunch of dudes fresh out of college from all over the country after about two months, that was sad. They were certainly sad, and then I got a way uncomfortable sobby hug from a male coworker -- then I was sad. After that one, I got numb to the whole thing. The last five or six, I just have not cared except to the extent that my job got suckier because of the mess left from all the dropped balls.

Today though, I felt a new and interesting feeling; I felt a little cheated. Everyone who got laid off today had already proven themselves as a cut above the dead wood that got chopped in the last few layoffs. If at the end of next week my company doesn't miraculously get a big pile of money, it will liquidate quite violently. Here's where the "cheated" comes into play: these guys got a head start! Those fuckers are going to scoop up all the good jobs in the valley while I'm still lending unsecured credit to the rapidly descending fireball that is my company. Dammit.

Speaking of my company, that phrase is now ambiguous. As of today, J. and I are now proud co-owners of a new limited liability company in the state of Utah. That's right kids, I'm the boss. We're all super official too. We've got a name, sales tax id, federal employer id, Utah business id, articles of organization, and a spiffy domain name for our company website. Besides having to know you have to get all these things, getting all these things is fairly easy and we got it done for well under a hundred bucks. Not too shabby.

I wish I could afford this to be the full-time gig, but alas, I'm not sufficiently independently wealthy to pull that off. Until my employer can cobble together payroll, the nascent baby of unlimited potential is going to get priority over the plunging fireball.

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